My cats are jerks, they run the house with an iron fist.They take things off my desk, scratch the furniture and George (my male cat) has developed a taste for human flesh. Janis (my female cat) jumps up walls and scares us into corners. I’ve thrown the same piece of foam out several times only to find it back on my desk (I’ve seen them carry it). Nothing is safe. I fear they are learning how to use computers as well.

EDIT: My girlfriend kindly reminded me that they also don’t let us eat. Not even Twizzlers!

In an attempt to reclaim the house in the name of humans, I got a Nerf gun.

This was to be my glorious revolution, the kind you only live to see once in your life. I was going to overthrow them, topple their regime, expose them for the tyrants they are. Things were going according to plan. I was able to push them back little by little. We must not let them take us alive!

However, I’m afraid they have learned my secrets. They’ve found where I keep my Nerf gun. George carries the gun in his mouth, taunting me mercilessly. The darts have been chewed up and are almost useless. I’m afraid they’ve also learned how to shoot the Nerf gun. It’s only a matter of time before they learn our language and start intercepting texts and emails.

Is there no way to stop them…