Year Long Study

Capture

I have decided to record the number of bowel movements I have each day, along with the max anxiety (a number from 0 to 10) for that day. The goal is to see how my anxiety relates to my bowel frequency. I’ve also included other information in the study such as notes on anxiety, consistency and if I consumed yogurt that day or not.

The projected complete month is September 2016, with an official start date of September 1, 2015.

Although I plan to officially start it in September, you can view the results for August right now! And keep checking it at any rate to see where the study stands! I’ll try to also have monthly graphs and data. Let me know if there are any problems viewing the site, any suggestions or comments!

Link to the study

Take Care, and thank you for following my blog, I really appreciate all of the support I get from you!

Aaron Horeth

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The Event

Attend the event.
Be there to observe, support, entertain your mind.
Capture the event in your mind.
Don’t skip the small details.
Every little thing is fascinating.
Forget the others at the event, don’t let them intimidate you.
Go ahead, look around frantically.
Head towards the point of interest.
Ignore those you don’t want to converse with.
Just go and check it out.
Keep it in your focus.
Let go of the other event goers.
Make your way, closer, almost there.
Now you’ve gotten to the point of interest.
Observe the object, learn it, study it.
Preserve the object, it is of utmost interest to you.
Quietly observe, so no one else finds it.
Read the environment, notice the potential hazards.
Sharpen your senses, others may be coming to bother the object.
Turn to one side, you see no harm so far.
Under that table, behind that wall.
Vary your stance, don’t look too out of place.
Walk calmly toward the exit.
XXVI – 26, the number on the face of the building.
You see it as you leave.
Zip away, you have left the event.

Stabbed By An Origami Crane

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself “Is this worth worrying about?”. That means you can filter out worries and things that could potentially make you upset or angry. Is this something that I want to waste my time getting angry at or worry about? Time is a precious resource after all, who wants to waste it!

Besides, getting angry/worrying isn’t always worth it, especially if you get attacked by an origami crane. That happened to me tonight, I have these origami cranes that I suspended from the ceiling and I walked into one of them and the beak stabbed me in the eye. And it hurt!!!! I just fell down comically and laughed instead of getting angry or worrying about it (I don’t think I would have gotten angry at it anyways). It was pretty funny.

Meditation: Success!

I’ve tried meditating several times before to calm myself down, and sometimes achieved mild amounts of relief. I tend to worry almost constantly and am usually very anxious and prone to stress. It’s just something I’ve grown up with. I can control it sometimes though. Anxiety is just one of those things.

The other day, I was writing down a list of things I worry about, at the recommendation from my girlfriend. The list was turning out to be pretty big (I think I could still add more)! So, I started worrying about the amount of worries I have. I thought about it for most of my work day and was pretty distracted. I did manage to get some work done though!

Around 3:45pm, I left for home (I had to leave early to get an oil change). When I arrived home, I realized that I was having a panic attack. These kinds of things happen to me from time to time so I’m somewhat familiar with them. Usually, with a panic attack, I have a hard time calming down and have to wait awhile for it to subside.

This time was different however. This is where the meditation comes in. I sat on my bed and just started to breathe and focus on my breathing. It was really tough at first but I just kept pushing on. It took a little while for me to get relaxed but I did it! My breaths started to sound like waves crashing against a beach, my eyes were closed and the sun was shining, all I could see was a pleasant, warming white light (the sun though my closed eyelids). It was so pleasant. One of our cats (the more standoff-ish one) jumped on my chest and relaxed with me.

It was probably the best meditation experience I have ever had. And I am going to make more time for relaxation.

 

If you have any meditation stories, please share them with me! I’d like to hear them

Lyrics in music

I was listening to a new Black Sabbath song called “God is Dead?” and I started feeling weird because of the lyrics. And I love Black Sabbath, they’re partly the reason I got into playing music. The way the lyrics started out just left me feeling out of place. And that happens on a ton of songs. Especially if the lyrics start with “I” or “uh-huh” or some thing else that is trying to relate to the listener.

Sometimes, I have a hard time dealing with lyrics when I listen to music. In fact, when I’m making music, I don’t usually include lyrics. Something about hearing someone singing makes me feel embarrassed. I feel weird listening to songs with singing in them. And a majority of the songs in the world have lyrical content in them. When I hear lyrics, I start to become anxious and panicy. A lot of it is probably self esteem. I often feel like I cant relate to the lyrics because I’m not cool enough or, I haven’t had as hard a life as the lyrics are suggesting to me.

I believe that lyrics provide a way to attempt to connect with your listeners and I think it’s awesome that people do that. But I feel very out of place listening to people singing and singing myself. It’s not for all songs, but it happens quite a bit.

This is my thought. The voice is an instrument, lyrics are just adding human vocalizations to the sounds coming out of our mouths. I’m not opposed to hearing grunting or whistling in songs, in fact, I have included grunts in my songs sometimes.

I love instrumentals, they make me feel at ease. There’s not the stress of “Do I relate to these lyrics” or, “Am I good enough to relate to these lyrics”. Also, with instrumentals, you get a chance to come up with your own story. I mean songs with lyrics are really just telling a story in a way right?

I do like songs where the lyrics don’t seem to make sense. Most of the songs by Primus and Yes are very easy for me to listen to. And songs where the singer is singing in a language I cant speak as well.

I can relate to songs that have no lyrical content or don’t seem to make sense.