Say The Word

There’s this word that I’m always trying to pronounce. The word is peculiar. It’s really hard to say! The funny thing is, the more I try to say it, the harder it is to say. Probably because I’m thinking about it way too much. I know I could listen to a pronunciation of the word but who has time for that nonsense? Plus, I’d rather figure it out myself because I’m stubborn.

I like peculiar, it’s a cool word. I especially like to say it over and over again, I like stumbling over the ‘cu’ and ‘l’ sounds and how my tongue tries to shape itself for ‘cu’ and then frantically tries to make the ‘l’ sound afterward. Then, it’s all finished with a nice, hard ‘r’. It’s a beautiful sounding word, I wish I could pronounce it. Sometimes I try to pronounce it as ‘pecu’-‘liar’ but that never sounds right.

Try saying peculiar. Say it over and over again. Are you having trouble pronouncing it? It’s just a really difficult word for me to pronounce.

By the way, I can say it if I say pecularity before it (that’s the exact spelling, I know that isn’t technically a word, but all words were made up at one point so I think I’m ok). Peculiarity is a form of the word though, but that’s hard to say as well.

Thought Of The Day

Lost sight due to worries
that are really not that
worrisome.

Debts only seem like
being owned by another
if you let them.

Money doesn’t bring
joy or fulfillment,
it breeds sorrow.

As long as there is negative,
there must have been and still
exists, a positive.

The bright side is just
a matter of changing
the environment.

Hatreds Magnum Opus

Stop it
take that and do this and stuff to things.
Hatred for things past that shouldn’t have consequence
anymore
but
still do…

Bullies, rotten people, guarded under the
guise of “He’s got a bad home life”, or some stupid excuse.
I guess that means I have to suffer for his bad home life…
Excuses for the bullies, they always excuse the bad and belittle the innocent.
They can call you skinny, at least you’re not fat.
As if it’s ok to be harassed because of your slightness, your nothingness.

The spite in that valentine: “Happy Valentine’s Day, I hate you”.
You didn’t have to give me a valentine, we’ll, you did because
the whole class had to.

“Why do you smile so much?”, is it a problem to smile?
Was it wrong of myself to enjoy a smile to brighten up my
otherwise terrible day?

Go ahead, put that knife to me because I won’t do the dishes,
I did the rest of the assignment.
For years, I wanted to burn your house down but didn’t because,
I’m not an arsonist, I’m not a violent person, but I hated you.

Still nurturing these thoughts, still giving them a home
after years
and years
and years
of thinking about words and actions that
happened and I can’t get rid of them
can’t dissolve the memory of them.

Magnum Opus, Latin for “great work”
Hatreds great work, no longer so great.
No longer as extravagant.
I’ll leave it in that rubbish over there.
Never return.

I’m The One

I’m the one at work who eats at his desk.
I’m the one who’d rather program than waste time at meetings.
I’m the one at the party who’s there but doesn’t want to be.
I’m the one at the lunch table because the boss invited me.
I’m the one who has nothing to say in groups.
I’m the one who’d rather be doing.
I’m the one who doesn’t care about politics
Or religion,
Or money.
(Such affairs shouldn’t be discussed in a social setting anyway if you ask me)
Well, maybe money because I seem to need it to sustain our life.
Anyways, I’d rather be drawing, painting or programming (or some derivation of those activities) instead of socializing.

Senses

The other day, I was contemplating things as I do often.
The mind wanders to what it wants to, things like memories,
awesome ideas, future conversations that may or may not
happen. To contemplate, imagine, and just think is
a very refreshing practice.

Anyways, while I was contemplating stuff, I started thinking
about the senses. I was imagining what it would be like to
be without all senses, what it would be like to be void of
just one sense, two senses. I was thinking, what would I
draw without the sense of sight and what type of music would
I compose without the sense of hearing. Then, I started thinking
what senses could I live without. Taste and smell are nice to
have but do I really need them? I know that they are useful
in determining the lethality of foods and beverages and other
animals. But in this day and age, we humans can use sight and
sound to determine whether this piece of meat is safe to eat.
Of course, we all know that ingredient lists may or may not
be falsified and that preservatives and food colorings are
not that great for your body. But, ignoring that, we can
just use sight and hearing. I’m sure smell can also be used
to determine things like infections from cuts and if you’re in
a dangerous area that has poisonous gas. Taste and smell probably
have other uses as well. But I’m just going to ignore that
for the purpose of this piece.

I just feel that I could do without those two senses. Why
do I need to taste that piece of chocolate or the radish?
If I had no sense of taste, the “healthy” foods would be
easier to consume. Without smell, I wouldn’t have to
smell that awful stench of coffee or the smell of smoke.
All of that would be great. Forgive me for being insensitive
in my contemplation. I realize that I am very fortunate to have
all of my senses.

Travel

I know credit cards are dangerous, but…

Suppose I sign up for one, paying no attention to the small print and the “low” APR. Fully understanding that it’s not my money I’m spending but not caring whatsoever. Now, with that credit card, I travel the world, with my girlfriend, ignoring the monthly balances and fees. Lasting 5, 10 years, not paying the monthly fees. Just traveling and experiencing everything we can. I think we could get away with it!

In reality I know we couldn’t, we would be stopped pretty quick. The credit card company would figure out what we were up to in no time at all. How is one making a semi-almost-decent salary, tied down to a desk, supposed to see the world?

Oh well, that’s what my imagination is for! Luckily that imagination is a finely tuned, world cultured, jet-set machine ready to take me to Morocco or Zimbabwe in an instant. Who needs waiting in line at an airport, being groped by overly-eager security guards who make fun of your phone because it’s not a “smart” phone? In my mind I’m already basking in the sun and chugging can after can of Dr. Pepper Cherry (my favorite soda), and swimming in crystal clear waters with my amazing girlfriend by my side of course!

Thinking About Opinions

I think a person without opinions would be boring.

I like that opinion. My counselor and I were discussing it.

I used to think that I didn’t want opinions or that I wasn’t good enough to have opinions. But I’m starting to realize that opinions are a wonderful thing, they add enrichment to a person, a new depth that I haven’t realized before.

Of course, I can see where opinions can bring conflict. That’s one of the major things I disliked about them. I think I was just scared though (I tend to be like that). I think conflict is normal and just happens sometimes. Maybe a disagreement brings a little malice?

Anyways, I feel like my world has expanded because of this finding and talking with my counselor.